our journey to parenthood, what a ride ehh???

it was 3 years ago that we started our family, we brought Rheagan home in april of 2005. the space between then and now seems so vast, it doesn't seem possible that it all fit into three years, and yet it has.

every year at this time i start thinking about how are lives have changed since then. i have come here to try to find the right words to express how i feel. the journey we have been on, to have our family. matt and i tried to conceive for 6 years before bringing rheagan home. the losses are remembered but the pain is healing over time. every year i feel something different. this year finds me heavy with thoughts of others that are suffering from infertility right now, those that are just beginning the journey. we are so grateful to have had the funding to bring rheagan home. i feel for the people who don't - as adoption in any form is expensive (especially after draining your bank account from fertility treatments) 3 years and two healthy children later i have a different perspective, i wish i could share that with them. i wish i could press a fast forward button and show them that time really does heal, joy really is possible. it probably wouldn't make a difference though, i know back then i wasn't ready to hear that, i wouldn't have believed it. there are no words that someone else can say to make you understand the journey, it is something you simply need to endure so that one day you can come out the other side healed, changed, but better somehow. more aware. seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

i am also thinking about the other babies that need homes. oh how i wish i was a millionaire.
i pray that people open their eyes and mind to adoption. that they never slam that door. what an amazing little girl we have. she has come so far, and she is healing every day too. she patted my stomach yesterday. here was a little of the conversation "i didn't grow in there. did i?"
me: "no, you didn't"
rheagan: "i grew in another lady's tummy. right mom?"
me: "yes, you did"
rheagan: "in russia?"
me: "yes in russia"
rheagan: "what was her name mommy?"
me: "honey I am not sure but her last name was Solovieva"
rheagan: "suluvvviieva"
me: "close enough"
rheagan: "i am glad you and daddy came to get me"

my heart has never felt this many emotions. i teared up, but did not let her see. i hope one day she knows how much our hearts ached to have her in our arms. how not one day went by without us thinking of her (even before her picture). how she has brought so much light into our lives and into the lives of people around us. i pray that she grows up happy and healthy (body and soul). we are teaching her about God and how he is bigger than everyone and that He loves here so much. we are also teaching her about Jesus. for just being 4, i think she is getting it!!

i don't know what life will hold for me, mothering a daughter, but i feel so grateful that i get to find out instead of always wondering.

and now being blessed with a boy!! jaxon came into our lives and brought with him the last bit of light that we needed to feel the warmth on our faces again. i am so thankful for all that we have been given so far in this life, it is a good one and i wouldn't change it for the world.

more babies? who knows, but right now we are trying to enjoy each minute with the ones we have been given to parent. so all in all i think infertility in a strange way was good for my and matt's soul. i would have not been able to say that 9 years ago. our children came into our live at just the right time. the losses matt and i endured along the way are not forgotten, but i know we would not have our precious rheagan and jaxon had we not gone through infertility first.

Why Use Cloth

Why Use Cloth

USE CLOTH DIAPERS AND SAVE OVER $1000! On average, you will spend $2000 on disposable diapers per child. Compare that to an average of $700 (that includes laundering expenses) for your first child's diapering years using cloth diapers. A second and third child will cost much less, as many of the diapers can be re-used. Depending on the diaper system you use you can spend a little less or more than the above mentioned amount for your first child.

USE CLOTH DIAPERS AND REDUCE DIAPER RASH! Diaper rash is seldom a problem when using cloth diapers. Cloth diapers are more breathable and cloth diapered babies are changed more often, as the diaper starts feeling damp after (on average) 4 hours. Disposable diapers mask the wetness, therefore child care providers and parents have no indication of how long the child has been wearing a wet or poopy diaper. This, together with the fact that disposable diapers become much hotter, allows more rapid bacterial growth which can cause diaper rash. If your baby has sensitive skin the reaction to the chemicals in disposable diapers may also contribute to diaper rash.

CLOTH DIAPERS ARE FAST AND EASY TO USE - UNIQUE FASTENER/LINER SYSTEM! The new styles of cloth diapers now available are as easy to use as a disposable. The added effort of doing two additional loads of laundry per week is worth the many benefits for your child, your pocketbook and the environment.

CLOTH DIAPERS ARE COOL & COMFORTABLE FOR BABY! Cloth diapers are soft and comfortable made of natural, chemical free, very absorbent fibers. Most diapers are made of cotton. Sometimes hemp is used. Unlike disposable diapers, cloth diapers stay cool even on the hottest summer day.

POTTY TRAINING IS EASIER WITH CLOTH DIAPERS! On average cloth diapered children potty train 6 months earlier than children wearing disposable diapers. Cloth diapers do not mask the sensation of wetness.

CLOTH DIAPERING FITS ANY LIFESTYLE! Cloth diapering easily adapts to fit even the busiest lifestyle or any full time daycare situation.

CLOTH DIAPERS ARE THE HEALTHY ALTERNATIVE - SAFER FOR NEW DELICATE SKIN! Cloth diapers don't contain any of the harmful chemicals that disposables are loaded with. See "how dangerous are disposable diapers".
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Cloth Diapers are better for your baby!

Your child will spend the first 2 1/2 to 3 1/2 years of his or her life in diapers. Disposable diapers are an easy way of diapering, but are the possible health hazards these diapers pose worth the simplicity? Look below at some studies that have been conducted and their scary results.

MALE INFERTILITY Disposable diapers could be the cause of the sharp rise in male infertility over the past 25 years. It is thought that disposable diapers heat up boys testicles to such a degree that it stop them from developing normal.

SODIUM POLYACRYLATE, which is linked to Toxic Shock Syndrome and can therefore no longer be used in tampons, is the super absorbent gel in disposable diapers. You can find the little "gel balls" on the skin of your baby's bottom. It is interesting to note that employees in factories manufacturing sodium polyacrylate suffer from female organ problems, slow healing wounds, fatigue and weight loss.

TBT (TRIBULYTIN) In May 2000 Greenpeace found TBT in Pampers® Baby Dry in Germany. TBT is one of the most toxic substances ever made. It harms the immune system and impairs the hormonal system. There is speculation that it could cause boys to become sterile.

DIOXIN (This is a major component in Agent Orange!) Traces of the carcinogen Dioxin have been found in disposable diapers. Dioxin causes liver disease, immune system suppression and genetic damage. It is a byproduct of bleaching with chlorine gas and is banned in most countries. Unfortunately, the USA still allows it.

ASTHMA In 1998 a study showed that childhood respiratory problems, including asthma, might be linked to inhaling the mixture of chemicals emitted from disposable diapers.

UTI INFECTIONS IN BABY GIRLS also seem on the rise with an increased use of disposable diapers.

BABIES POORLY DEVELOPED OUTER SKIN LAYER ABSORBS ABOUT 48 CHEMICALS if you use disposable diapers & wipes and standard baby products. This can be greatly reduced by using cloth diapers and natural baby products.


Cloth Diapers are better for the Environment!

Every child adds a minimum of 6500 disposable diapers (30% of which is non biodegradable) to our landfills. Included in the soiled diapers are many of pounds of raw fecal matter. Viruses found in the feces can pose a threat to our water supplies and wild life, by seeping through cracks that sometimes develop in landfills.

The manufacturing of disposable diapers poses another threat to our environment, requiring large quantities of wood pulp (trees) and dangerous complex chemical substances, which leave behind many harmful byproducts.

Compare all that to the resources used to make and clean three to five dozen cloth diapers with no raw fecal matter!